Abigail on my mind

Thinking about my sweet Abigail today...it's been 7 years since she went to be with Jesus!  I still think about her often...still wonder how she'd be and what she'd like to do...how she'd play with Eliana and Josiah!  The kids and I talk about her often because my kids are obsessed with heaven and going to see Jesus...and they never leave out that they'll see Abigail too!  It's so precious!  I have such peace when I think about her...because she is with her Heavenly Father!  She is in her Father's arms!  Here's one of my favorite hymns that I've been singing lately...it embodies my emotions and my mindset as I think about my sweet Abigail and my sweet Jesus!  Enjoy!

All My Tears, by Julie Miller

When I go don't cry for me 
In my fathers arms I'll be 
The wounds this world left on my soul 
Will all be healed and I'll be whole 

Sun and moon will be replaced 
With the light of Jesus' face 
And I will not be ashamed 
For my savior knows my name 

It don't matter where you bury me 
I'll be home and I'll be free 
It don't matter where I lay 
All my tears be washed away 

Gold and silver blind the eye 
Temporary riches lie 
Come and eat from heaven's store 
Come and drink and thirst no more 

So weep not for me my friend 
When my time below does end 
For my life belongs to him 
Who will raise the dead again 

It don't matter where you bury me 
I'll be home and I'll be free 
It don't matter where I lay 
All my tears be washed away

Man will live forevermore because of Christmas day!

Christmas is almost here!  Most everyone has joined the hustle and bustle of getting things ready and finding that perfect gift!  We've been so busy doing "Christmasy" things...going to concerts, the Grotto, Zoo lights with the kids, and church gatherings!  There's joy and anticipation in all the celebrating!  

Yet there are others who don't feel much like celebrating...who are wounded and sorrowful and missing loved ones or going through some crazy storm!

I have no words for the violence we've witnessed in our country these past couple weeks!  My heart is broken for the families dealing with the loss of their children and loved ones this Christmas season!  

When someone you know is grieving, and especially having a hard Christmas, it can be very difficult to know what to say...how to help.  The truth is, there is nothing you can say that will erase sadness and pain.   But, in my experience, it is better to say something than to not say anything at all!

After Abigail went to be with the Lord, I can remember feeling so lonely at times.  There is a lonely feeling in that the world doesn't seem to stop for your grief.  Everyone keeps going on with life as if the life that just passed into eternity didn't matter.  I can remember almost being shocked by the fact that others around me were doing so well and feeling so well, because I couldn't stop crying for longer than 5 minutes at times.  Of course, rationally, this is the truth: life does go on...people do go on...the world does continue in spite of what happens to me or anyone else.  But in those hard times, it feels like you're the only one who is experiencing this kind of sadness. I can imagine it must be even harder at Christmas when most everyone is in the "Christmas spirit".  

Those that spoke with us and sent their condolences really made us feel like this mattered...Abigail mattered.  It was encouraging to see the outpouring of love and support from family, friends, and others in the body of Christ that we'd never met.  

Gracious words are a honeycomb

sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

~Proverbs 16:24

Have the courage to be an encourager!  Reach out this season to families you know that are hurting!  It will mean the world to them!  Here are some things that others did to reach out to us in our grief that made us feel loved:

* invite them to Christmas dinner
* invite them to a concert or an event with your family this season
* send texts or messages of encouraging Bible verses or prayers
* pray for them in person when you see them or over the phone...and privately as well
* provide meals for them in their home
* offer to help clean their home or help them with errands...whatever the need be
* show up with some goodies for their kiddos...some Christmas cookies
* if they have children, offer to babysit them for a couple hours so the parents can get some rest...or offer to take the children to and from school
* offer a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear
* PRAY PRAY PRAY for their hearts to be filled with the peace and hope and joy of Christ!

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted 

and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

~Psalm 34:18

My hope is that we can welcome the Christ-child this season in our hearts...in the midst of our suffering and wounded souls...in the darkness of our sin...through whatever circumstance!  He is our joy and our hope!  One of my favorite Christmas songs says, "Man will live forevermore because of Christmas day!"  I love and praise God for this truth!  Without the Lord, the King of Kings, born in the darkness and turmoil of this world in a lowly stable to one day give His life as a sacrifice for us, we would not have hope or eternal life!  Praising Him today for His precious gift to us this season and praying our hearts would welcome Him and He would heal our brokenness!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with great fear.  And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.  For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.

~Luke 2:9-11

Blessings,
Anamaria

Praise You in This Storm

                                                        

As I watch the news these days and see the devastating photos of the destruction left by hurricane Sandy on the East coast, I can't help but remember this powerful song that has been an encouragement to me.  May God bless all who have lost their homes, belongings, and loved ones in this storm!  May He work His good will in every situation!  May many turn to God in their time of crisis!  God is with you, even when you don't feel it!  Choose to praise Him in whatever storm, friend, and He will be your help!  Our help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth!

                          "Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Helping Children Grieve

Remembering Abigail ~  photo taken May 2012

It is a very hard thing to grieve...hard to sort out your own thoughts and feelings and let yourself cry, get angry, and pray...all in repeat mode!  But at least it's you grieving...and you know how you feel...there's no real mystery there!  

Harder still to talk to your children about death, especially the death of someone they were in close contact with that were dear to their hearts.  

My first miscarriage and Abigail's death happened before Eliana and Josiah were born, so they didn't live out those moments of grief.  The first time we told Eliana about Abigail and the first baby was when we went to Abigail's graveside on the anniversary of her death when Eliana was around 2...though I'm not sure how much she understood.  Since then, every year, there are more questions as we visit the graveside and now from Josiah as well.  

We explained to them what had happened with the babies and mostly, we  tried to give them an eternal perspective!  We always finish the conversation with the happy and awesome reality that they are in heaven with the Lord and we will one day meet them!  Of course, they are 5 and 3, so I'm not sure they really understand what death means.  Mostly, they understand that it's a separation or a goodbye-never-to-come-back-again kind of thing.  They get sad sometimes when Abigail's name comes up, especially Eliana since she's older, and they say how much they want to meet her and see her and go to heaven!   

With our current miscarriage, after we found out, my biggest hurdle was how to tell the kids!  They were excited about the baby in mommy's tummy...and now, the baby was no longer there!  We came home from the hospital and we immediately got bombarded with sweet concerns from Eliana about how my appointment went and how the baby was doing!  We had to tell them then...I couldn't keep it inside.  We approached the subject very simply and with very few details and just told them both that the baby is not in my tummy any more...it is with Jesus in heaven!  Eliana asked how the baby could be in my tummy at one moment and now in heaven, and I told her that she couldn't grow any longer in my tummy and she died and her spirit went to be with Jesus!  There were tears and hugs and a few more questions, but overall, it was a sweet moment!  

I am no expert on grief or how to deal with it or help others deal with it.  All I have are my experiences to draw from with my little guys...and they are more easily satisfied with simple answers than older kids!  I read a great article last month by Focus on the Family that I thought I'd pass on to you at the link below!  They also have some resources they recommend below for how to talk to children of all ages about death and how to help them through the grieving process. 

I would say one of the most important things is to keep the conversations going...to allow them to communicate their feelings...allow them to see you grieve...allow them to ask questions...talk about your loved ones and the memories that were created...give lots of hugs and kisses...and point them toward eternity and the beautiful reality for believers that we will one day reunite with those we love that went before us!  

Blessings,

Anamaria


How to Help Your Child Grieve (read the overview and the next two articles dealing with grief and children)

Books recommended by Focus on the Family:

Someone I Love Died

By: Christian Tangvald

Helping Children Grieve: When Someone They Love Dies

By: Theresa Huntley